


This

by januaryred



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 11:04:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7530196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/januaryred/pseuds/januaryred
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron Hotchner finds himself with the opportunity to share a room with Spencer Reid, and how could he pass that up? Set in the season five episode "Exit Wounds" and *loosely* based on the song This by Ed Sheeran.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I've written something and posted it, so please give me feedback!!

_ “This is the start of something beautiful _

_    This is the start of something new” _

 

Aaron Hotchner had been swimming in his own thoughts for quite some time now. For most of his adult life he was used to having everything figured out. He had been with the same woman since high school, he had his dream job, he had a beautiful son. It wasn’t always that simple, but he tried his best to work with what he had. Slowly but surely, Hotch came to realize that his outwardly perfect life was starting to shift and crack, breaking away piece by piece. Haley was getting frustrated with how much he was away on the job, but he couldn’t bring himself to give up the BAU. He wouldn’t stop doing what felt right to him, even if that meant having to forfeit other parts of his life. Just when he was finally starting to accept the fact that his definition of normal had changed, his world went black. When he could do nothing to save the mother of his child, the love of his life, he went numb. How could he ever manage to return to any sort of normalcy? Every part of him broke, but he had always been a fighter. 

As he slowly started to mend, he found new ways to change his definition of himself. Exploring things he would never have even dreamed of when he was married gave him a way out of his own head on those nights where all he could think about was holding her in his arms. He started to think thoughts that hadn’t crossed his mind since before he’d even met Haley. Frequenting bars, getting strangers numbers, and just freely admiring whomever he wanted felt good, albeit completely foreign. He was also just starting to figure out his sexuality when he met Haley. He loved her so much that he put finding himself on hold so he could focus on starting their life together. When the possibility of having any sort of life together was destroyed, he had to return to the start. To figure out why his stomach felt tight and his lungs failed him for a brief moment each time Dr. Reid walked into the room, wearing his hair artfully ruffled and his mouth curved into a slight, thoughtful smile. He  _ needed _ to know why he latched on to every single word that stumbled out of Spencer's mouth, even if it was about a topic that left the others disinterested. 

The possibility of bisexuality had always been buried somewhere in the depths of Hotch’s mind, but his grieving process had somehow helped him slowly accept and own up to it. He was finally happy with himself after an excruciatingly long, hard couple of years of pain and eventually grief. The only thing missing from his new life was the one thing he knew he couldn’t have. It was, of course, very against the rules for a superior to form a relationship with a subordinate. He had always been one to follow the rules, and his self doubt only enforced that further. Why would a guy like Reid ever fall for him in the first place? Hotch had never had any insecurities about his physical appearance, but this was different. For one, Reid was straight, and that meant by default Hotch wasn’t his type. And secondly, Hotch had always thought of himself as a hard ass. Reid wasn’t like that at all. He could still see the good in places Hotch couldn’t. Spencer wore his emotions on his sleeve, Aaron internalized his feelings until his brain was stuffed to the brim with emotion. He was starting to lose hope after a long period of wishful thinking, until one challenging case in the Middle of Nowhere, Alaska. 

“I am  _ not _ sleeping with Reid.” Derek Morgan proclaimed, folding his arms. Hotch turned slightly to face the group as Garcia was staking her claim on the chocolate god. He thought he saw a tiny look of insecurity flash through Reid’s eyes, but in an instant it was gone. Against his better judgement, Aaron decided to speak up.

“That’s fine Morgan. You and Garcia can room together, JJ and Prentiss can share, and Rossi you can have your own room for the night. We all need our rest and your snoring would keep anyone with ears up the entire night. So you’ll be sharing with me Reid.” He glanced over at the younger man, trying to gauge his reaction. Reid simply nodded and got up along with everyone else as they were making their way up towards their rooms. Rossi was the only one to stall for a moment before he joined the rest of the team.

“That was kind of unusual of you to offer up the single room to me, Aaron.” Rossi tilted his head with a look on his face that Hotch couldn’t quite read. 

“Since when is me being nice unusual?” 

Rossi just smiled an unconvincingly sincere smile to end the discussion as he grabbed his bag and started up the stairs. Hotch knew that what he did was risky, but he couldn’t resist the opportunity that presented itself to him. How was he supposed to say no to sharing a bed with the sole object of his desire? Even though nothing would come of it, he had a feeling he was about to sleep better than he had in awhile. 

“Which side of the bed do you prefer?” Reid stood waiting for Hotch to make the first move. 

“Either is fine.”

Hotch set his case file down next to his bag. He decided that there was no way he could continue working as his tired eyelids dragged. The boy genius plopped down ungracefully onto the moderately sized bed and pulled the blanket to his chin. Aaron’s mind was racing hundreds of miles a minute as he got himself into the bed. He clicked his bedside lamp off and pretended not to notice every single move Spencer made, from leaving the bathroom light on with the door cracked slightly to turning over on his side approximately every two minutes. They were almost touching as they both rested on the bed, neither asleep. Hotch desperately wanted to reach out ever so slightly and simply lay a hand on Reid, but he resisted. He craved the intimacy that hadn’t been in his life for at least two years, but his mind was holding him back. 

An hour passed. Then another. Neither man had even shut their eyes. They were both too deep in their thoughts. 

“Are you asleep yet?” Spencer whispered timidly, not wanting to wake Aaron if he did happen to be sleeping. 

“No, not yet. I can’t really get the image of the first victims out of my head.” Hotch admitted. It wasn’t unusual for a case to follow him to sleep at night, but these murders were particularly brutal. 

“Did you know that the average adult actually doesn’t need 8-10 hours of sleep per night to function, contrary to popular belief? Most adults can function perfectly fine with 6 hours of sleep, some even as low as 5. That’s probably a good thing because at this rate we’re likely to get less than 7 hours of sleep tonight.” 

Hotch chuckled slightly as Reid missed the social cue. He was trying to bait Reid into talking with him about his feelings on the case. It would have to be a discussion saved for another night. 

“How about we both aim for 6 hours tonight?” Hotch smiled slightly.

“Sounds like a plan to me.” Reid whispered, already sounding like he was about to drift off. Hotch was finally feeling like he could actually get some sleep also, so he turned on his side and faced Reid. The last thing he remembered before he fell into a deep sleep was reaching out to wrap his arm around Spencer’s bony figure without even realizing what he was doing.

A relaxed smile crept onto Hotch’s face as he woke up to the sound of his alarm. He was right, he did have one of the best nights of sleep in months, years even. He couldn’t quite pinpoint why he was so content, until he finally lifted his eyelids and saw who was asleep facing him. Spencer Reid was curled up in a ball, disheveled hair in his eyes and a serene look painted across his porcelain face. As Hotch examined further, he realized just how messy this situation was. They were sleeping in a sea of limbs tangled and knotted together. His leg was in between Reid’s, and both of his arms were wrapped tightly around the young man. Before Hotch could think up a way to slowly extract his leg from the situation it was currently in, Spencer opened his eyes. Before Hotch could say anything to somehow improve the situation, Reid jumped so far back that he fell off the bed with a crash, taking all of the blankets with him. Aaron felt his heart imploding a little as he stood to go help Spencer up.

“I’m sorry Reid, I have no idea what that was about. I understand if you’re uncomfortable and want me to arrange a room switch between you and Rossi.” Hotch tried to remain serious but was cursing himself internally. Why did his unconscious mind put him in this situation? 

“No! No. It wasn’t uncomfortable… I haven’t slept that well in a while to be honest.” Reid admitted, making eye contact with Hotch and blushing a bright red. The older man swore he saw something in Spencer’s face that made him think the boy genius was telling the truth. Aaron knew better than to profile a fellow profiler, but he just couldn’t stop himself from reading his body language and expressions. If he didn’t know better, Hotch would have thought that Reid could have even been into it. 

‘ _ Stop kidding yourself Aaron. You’re in love with a straight man, and there is nothing you can do about it.’ _

Spencer stood up quickly and put the bed back together. As they were both getting ready for the day, Aaron decided that he didn’t need to address the subject further and make things worse, but his feelings were in total conflict. On one hand, he knew that Reid was straight. He knew that even if there was a chance in hell that they would end up together, both of their jobs would be at risk. He knew that the team would catch on sooner rather than later and he didn’t know if he could handle them nosing around in his business. On the other hand, he wanted Reid. He wanted to hold him tightly every night and to not let go. He wanted to make up for lost time. 

Hotch was killing himself wondering ‘what if?’ all day long. What if Spencer Reid had feelings for him as well? He couldn’t deny what he saw in Spencer’s face that morning, so he decided to lay it all out on the table. It wasn’t fair to himself or to Reid to lie about the way he was feeling. So, for the rest of the day, every second that he wasn’t actively thinking about the case he spent thinking of a plan. He was going to reveal his feelings to Spencer whether or not he felt the same way. 

The second full day on the case left everyone exhausted and cranky. They weren’t any closer to finding the unsub, and there were more bodies. None of them were really in the mood to sit around and talk, so they collectively decided to head upstairs. There was a chorus of goodnights from everyone as they all went their separate ways. Hotch and Reid entered their room and wasted no time getting ready for bed. They each took turns showering, brushing their teeth, and getting under the covers as the long day came to an end. Not many words were exchanged, which made Hotch all the more nervous for what he was about to do. 

“Goodnight Hotch.” Spencer mumbled, shifting from his back to his side, facing away from the older man. 

“Goodnight Spencer.” Hotch said, every ounce of his being screaming at him to reach out and touch Reid. 

The night dragged on longer and longer. Hotch could tell that the other man wasn’t asleep yet as he studied his breathing and movements. After an hour had passed, he decided that it was time to put his plan in action. He gently reached across the bed and took a shaky breath before closing the gap between him and the beautiful man lying across from him. He felt the younger man tense for a moment, and then relax into his touch. 

“Hotch? What are you doing?” Reid continued to face away from the older man. Hotch quickly retracted his arm in fear that he had just ruined everything. 

“I… I’m sorry Spencer. I just figured that we both slept better that way last night, but I’ll keep my hands to myself.” He cursed himself internally for phrasing his sentence like that. 

“No it’s ok! I didn’t mean for it to come out like that, I was just surprised. I’d like it if you continued… but only if you want to.” He sounded unsure of what he was proposing, but sincere none the less. Hotch figured that it was now or never,  and he had to let Reid know about his feelings. Over thinking things was Hotchner’s specialty, but he had to break away from old habits and just go for it if he wanted this plan to work.

“Spencer, I need to be honest with you about something. Ever since Haley passed, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Too much thinking, to be exact. For once I don’t want to think, I don’t want to analyze my situation or the actions of others around me. For once, I just want to do. Honestly, I’ve had feelings for you for quite some time now. I know that as your superior, this is wrong. So very wrong. But as your friend, and as another person, I can’t always sacrifice my happiness for what’s right. I love you Spencer. I’ve been in love with you and all of your quirks for a long time. I care about you so much and I just need to know your honest opinion on all of this. I know it’s a lot to spring on you right now, and I’d be happy to take the floor tonight if y-” And suddenly, he was interrupted. Dr. Reid’s mouth collided with his, gently at first, but picking up momentum as the two men grabbed at each other. The only time they stopped was to come up for air.

“Do you want to talk about this?” Hotch said, slightly out of breath.

“What is there to talk about? You have feelings for me, I’ve had feelings for you since the first time I saw you. We’ll figure everything else out later, but for now, lets just enjoy this.” 

“You’re right. This is good.” 

Hotch wasn’t sure how he’d deal with Strauss or how he’d tell the team, but he didn’t want that holding him back from his happiness. Years were spent waiting for this to happen, and he wasn’t about to ruin it by thinking too hard. He held the younger man in his arms and gently drifted to sleep, the most content he’d been in a long time. 

_                         “This is the start of something beautiful _

_                              You are the start of something new”  _


End file.
